Loving Him Was
by blaien
Summary: Blaine was a bundle of nervous energy, his hands shaking as he paced the choir room, phone glued to his ear. Ringing, ringing, ringing…


Blaine was a bundle of nervous energy, his hands shaking as he paced the choir room, phone glued to his ear. Ringing, ringing, ringing…

"Hello?" _Kurt_. His voice was bright and relaxed, warming Blaine from the inside out.

"Hey Kurt," Blaine swallowed, the small box in his hands feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds.

"Hey you, what's up?" Kurt smiled as he spoke, his heart feeling light in his chest. Rachel's head popped into Kurt's view, her eyebrows raised her hands pointing frantically.

"_Adam!?_" She mouthed excitedly. Kurt replied with a scowl shaking his head and gesturing for her to leave. Pouting, Rachel disappeared through the dividing curtain, leaving Kurt in privacy.

"Uh, n-not much, actually," Blaine murmured, forcing out a short laugh. "I was just phoning to…uhm, I-I actually—" Blaine inhaled shakily, his palms sweating.

"Everything okay, sweetie?" The term of endearment slipped out of Kurt's lips before he could stop it, his heart twisted strangely at how nice it felt to say it.

Blaine's heart jumped into his throat at Kurt's pet name, his insides curling pleasantly. Wishing, wishing, wishing…

He tried to let the feeling wash over him quickly, pushing those happy thoughts away for a later time as his whole body began thrumming with another bout of anxious joy as he paced the tile.

"Y-yeah, everything is wonderful actually," Blaine cursed himself for the horrible pun. "I just…" Blaine shook his head, sucking up every nerve in his body. "I was actually phoning to get your advice on this song."

"Ooh, I'm listening?" Kurt flopped onto his bed, rolling onto his stomach.

"It's a…it's a song I'm thinking about singing for my NYADA audition, but uh, I don't know if it's…good enough, or whatever," Blaine trailed off, finally sitting down on the piano bench.

"I'm sure whatever you pick it'll be perfect," It always is. But Kurt let that thought go unsaid. "Well, let me hear it! The anticipation is killing me," Kurt teased.

Blaine laughed lightly, his smile stretching at the sound of Kurt's own smile.

"Uh, okay." Blaine cleared his throat, holding his breath for just a moment.

"_Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street,_"

Kurt's breath hitched, Blaine closed his eyes and let the song speak for him.

"_Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly. Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall. Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all._"

Tears pricked at Kurt's eyes at the raw emotion in Blaine's voice.

"_Losing him was blue like I'd never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. But loving him was red, loving him was red._"

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stay away while he sang, little did he know Kurt was doing the same.

"_Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong._"

Kurt let the first tear fall, his whole heart feeling like it was being crushed and healed in the same goddamn breath. In a flash of a moment, without any thinking, Kurt was whispering out the lyrics, Blaine's voice dying out as Kurt's grew stronger.

"_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself it's time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head; burning red. Loving him was red._" There were tears flowing freely down Kurt's cheeks, his phone caught in a death grip as he stopped breathing. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

"…_And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head, comes back to me, burning red_…" Blaine finished, his throat tight as he let the first tear fall.

There was a heavy pause, both boys listening to each others rhythmic breathing. Both of them, in sync. Hoping, hoping, hoping…

"I love you, Blaine," A shaky breath. "I never stopped loving you,"_ Losing him was blue like I'd never known._

"You're my soulmate, Kurt," A quiet sniffle. "I still feel so god damn guilty, but god Kurt do I need you here, in my life, with me, always." _Missing him was dark grey all alone._

"I tried to hate you, B, I tried to make myself stop loving you, but god you're insufferably lovable, I just—" _Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met._

"Marry me, Kurt, say you'll marry me. One day, I don't care when, we can have everything we ever wanted Kurt, I want everything with you." _But loving him was red._

"I want everything with you, too, Blaine. You're everything to me, Blaine. Yes, god yes! Yes, Blaine. I will marry you, I want to marry you. I love you, so god damn much, so much."

"I love you too, so much, Kurt."

_Burning red._


End file.
